Courting, often referred to as courtship, is a traditional approach to relationships where a couple seeks to develop a deep connection with the intention of marriage, while maintaining strong moral and spiritual values. Unlike modern dating, which can often be casual and focused on personal fulfillment, courting is centered on the pursuit of a lifelong, God-honoring marriage. From a biblical perspective, courting emphasizes intentionality, purity, and the involvement of family and community in the relationship process.
The Biblical Basis for Courting
Intentionality in Relationships
The Bible emphasizes the importance of intentionality in relationships, particularly when it comes to choosing a spouse. Marriage is portrayed as a sacred covenant, reflecting the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:25-32). As such, entering into a relationship with the intention of marriage is a serious commitment that should be approached with prayer, discernment, and a focus on honoring God.
Proverbs 18:22 (NIV):
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
This verse highlights the value of finding a godly spouse and the favor that comes from entering into a marriage that aligns with God’s will.
Purity in Relationships
Purity is a key principle in biblical relationships. Courting emphasizes maintaining sexual purity before marriage, as the Bible calls believers to honor God with their bodies and to avoid sexual immorality.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 (NIV):
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.”
This passage encourages individuals to pursue holiness and to respect the boundaries that God has established for sexual behavior, reserving sexual intimacy for marriage.
Involvement of Family and Community
In biblical times, marriages were often arranged or overseen by families, and the involvement of family and community was crucial in the process of choosing a spouse. Courting revives this principle by encouraging the involvement of parents, mentors, and the church community in the relationship, providing guidance, accountability, and support.
Proverbs 15:22 (NIV):
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
The involvement of wise counselors helps to ensure that the relationship is built on a solid foundation and that both individuals are prepared for the responsibilities of marriage.
Key Principles of Courting
Commitment and Covenant
Courting is not just about finding a romantic partner; it is about finding a life partner with whom you can build a Christ-centered marriage. This process involves commitment to the relationship and a covenantal approach to love, reflecting God’s design for marriage as a lifelong, unbreakable bond.
Genesis 2:24 (NIV):
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
The unity described in this verse underscores the depth of commitment that marriage requires, which is why courting is pursued with seriousness and intentionality.
Spiritual Compatibility
Courting places a strong emphasis on spiritual compatibility, ensuring that both individuals share a common faith and are committed to growing together in their relationship with God. The Bible warns against being unequally yoked with unbelievers, which can lead to spiritual conflict and challenges in the marriage.
2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV):
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
This principle encourages believers to seek partners who share their faith and values, fostering a relationship that is built on a shared commitment to Christ.
Prayer and Discernment
Prayer and discernment are essential components of the courting process. Couples are encouraged to seek God’s guidance at every stage of the relationship, asking for wisdom and clarity as they consider the possibility of marriage.
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV):
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
By bringing their relationship before God in prayer, couples can trust that He will lead them according to His will and provide the peace that comes from following His guidance.
Building a Strong Foundation
Courting focuses on building a strong foundation for marriage by fostering deep communication, mutual respect, and a shared vision for the future. This period of courtship allows the couple to explore important topics such as faith, family, finances, and life goals, ensuring that they are aligned in their values and expectations.
Amos 3:3 (NIV):
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
This verse emphasizes the importance of agreement and unity in a relationship, which is why courting encourages open and honest conversations about the future.
The Role of the Church in Courting
Accountability and Support
The church community plays a vital role in the courting process by providing accountability and support to the couple. Mentors, pastors, and trusted friends can offer guidance, encouragement, and prayer, helping the couple to navigate challenges and to grow in their relationship.
Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV):
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
The church is called to encourage and support one another in all aspects of life, including relationships, making it an essential part of the courting process.
Preparing for Marriage
Courting often includes premarital counseling and discipleship, which help couples prepare for the realities of marriage. These programs provide biblical teaching on topics such as communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy, equipping couples to enter marriage with a strong foundation.
Proverbs 24:3 (NIV):
“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.”
Premarital counseling and preparation provide the wisdom and understanding necessary to build a lasting and fulfilling marriage.
Conclusion
Courting is a biblically rooted approach to relationships that emphasizes intentionality, purity, and the pursuit of a God-honoring marriage. By involving family, community, and the church, courting provides a supportive and accountable environment for couples to discern God’s will for their relationship. As they seek to honor God in their courtship, couples are encouraged to build a strong foundation of commitment, spiritual compatibility, and mutual respect, laying the groundwork for a lifelong, Christ-centered marriage.