1 Corinthians 7:12 – “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.”
Extended Explanation
In this verse, Paul begins addressing a specific situation that was likely a major concern for some believers in Corinth—what to do when one spouse is a Christian and the other is not. He states that if a Christian man (a “brother”) has a wife who is not a believer but is willing to stay in the marriage, he should not divorce her.
The phrase “I, not the Lord” does not mean that Paul’s teaching is less authoritative. Rather, it means that Jesus did not give direct instructions on this topic during His earthly ministry. Paul, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, is now providing instruction for these new circumstances.
At the time, some believers may have wondered if they should leave their unbelieving spouse in order to be “more holy” or because they feared being spiritually influenced by them. Paul makes it clear that if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay, the believer should remain in the marriage. This teaching reinforces the importance of marriage and affirms that it is not automatically invalidated because one spouse has come to faith in Christ.
Historical Context
In the early church, many people were coming to faith in Jesus, but not always at the same time as their spouse. This created difficult situations where one person’s beliefs and way of life changed while the other remained an unbeliever.
In Jewish culture, marriage was sacred, and divorce was permitted but regulated by the Law of Moses. In the Roman world, however, divorce was very common and could be done for almost any reason. Some new Christian converts may have thought they needed to leave their unbelieving spouse to maintain spiritual purity. Paul is correcting this by affirming that mixed-belief marriages can still be honored before God.
Additionally, some believers might have misunderstood the Old Testament teaching that Israel was not to intermarry with pagan nations (Deuteronomy 7:3-4). They may have thought that being married to an unbeliever was spiritually dangerous and should be abandoned. Paul reassures them that marriage remains valid even if only one partner follows Christ.
Theological Implications
- Marriage is a Lifelong Commitment – Even if one spouse comes to faith after marriage, the covenant remains intact if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay.
- The Gospel Works Within Relationships – A believer’s faith can have a positive influence on their unbelieving spouse (as Paul explains in the next verses).
- Christianity Does Not Encourage Divorce – Unlike some religious movements that teach separation from unbelievers, Christianity calls for faithfulness in marriage unless there is a serious biblical reason for separation (e.g., abandonment in 1 Corinthians 7:15).
- Paul’s Teaching is Spirit-Led – Even though Jesus did not directly speak on this issue, Paul’s words carry full authority as inspired Scripture.
Literary Analysis
Paul’s phrase “I, not the Lord” is unique in Scripture, but it should not be misunderstood. He is not saying that his teaching is optional or less important; rather, he is distinguishing between direct teachings from Jesus and new apostolic guidance given for specific issues.
Paul’s wording is also careful and pastoral. He does not immediately focus on cases where the unbelieving spouse wants to leave; instead, he starts with the positive statement that the Christian should not divorce their unbelieving spouse if they are willing to stay. This shows that his goal is to promote peace and stability in marriage rather than encourage unnecessary separation.
Biblical Cross-References
- Matthew 19:6 – Jesus teaches that marriage is a lifelong commitment and should not be broken lightly.
- 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 – Paul continues explaining the impact of a believing spouse on an unbelieving one.
- 1 Corinthians 7:15 – Paul clarifies that if an unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, the believer is not bound.
- 1 Peter 3:1-2 – Encourages Christian wives to live in a way that may lead their unbelieving husbands to faith.
- Malachi 2:16 – God’s heart is for faithfulness in marriage, and He does not take divorce lightly.
What This Verse Means for Today’s Christian
Many Christians today find themselves in spiritually mixed marriages, whether because they converted after getting married or because they married someone who later drifted from the faith. This verse gives clear guidance: if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay, the Christian should remain committed to the marriage.
This verse also challenges believers to think about their marriage as a mission field. Instead of seeing their unbelieving spouse as a problem, they should see them as someone God loves and wants to reach. By living faithfully and showing Christ’s love, the believing spouse can be a witness of God’s grace.
For churches, this verse provides direction in counseling couples where one person follows Christ, and the other does not. Instead of immediately recommending separation, the goal should be to help the believing spouse live out their faith within the marriage.
How This Verse Relates to a Loving God
God’s love is patient and redemptive. This verse reflects His desire to work within relationships rather than tearing them apart. He does not abandon those who are spiritually lost but instead works through the lives of believers to draw others to Himself.
God’s love is also about keeping His promises. Marriage is a covenant, and God calls His people to remain faithful to their commitments, just as He remains faithful to us. Even when one spouse does not yet believe, God can use the marriage to bring spiritual transformation.
How This Verse Connects to Jesus Christ
Jesus’ ministry was about bringing salvation to sinners, and that includes people in spiritually mixed marriages. He met people where they were and called them to Himself, just as He continues to do today.
In Matthew 5:14-16, Jesus calls His followers to be a light in the world. That includes being a light within marriage. Just as Jesus remained faithful to His mission, believing spouses are called to remain faithful in their marriages and reflect His love.
Additionally, Jesus showed grace to those who struggled in relationships. Whether it was the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:7-26) or the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11), He offered hope and transformation. This same hope is available to those in marriages where faith is not yet shared.
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
- Why do you think Paul emphasized that this teaching was from him rather than a direct command from Jesus?
- How can a believing spouse be a positive influence on their unbelieving spouse?
- What are some challenges that come with being in a spiritually mixed marriage? How can they be overcome?
- How does this verse challenge the modern idea that differences in belief are a reason to end a marriage?
- How can the church support and encourage those in spiritually mixed marriages?