Colossians 3:19 – “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
Extended Explanation
This verse is a direct command to husbands on how they should treat their wives. In the previous verse, Paul instructed wives to submit to their husbands (Colossians 3:18), but he immediately follows with this equally important command-husbands must love their wives.
- “Husbands, love your wives”
- The word “love” here is agape love, which is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional.
- This is the same kind of love God has for His people and the same love Christ has for the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
- A husband is called to lead through love, not domination.
- “Do not be harsh with them.”
- The phrase “do not be harsh” means not to treat them with bitterness, resentment, or cruelty.
- In a culture where husbands often had absolute authority over their wives, Paul commands them to treat their wives with gentleness, patience, and kindness.
- This means no verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. A Christian husband must reflect Christ’s love, not the world’s idea of power and control.
Historical Context
In the first-century Roman world, marriage was often dominated by male authority.
- Husbands had legal control over their wives and were not expected to show affection, patience, or kindness.
- Women were often treated as property rather than as valued partners.
- Greek and Roman culture allowed divorce for trivial reasons, and many men were harsh and demanding in their marriages.
Paul’s teaching was radically different from this cultural norm.
- Christian husbands were called to love their wives with a sacrificial love.
- Marriage was no longer about control but about mutual love and respect.
- A husband’s leadership was not about power but about serving his wife with love and patience.
Theological Implications
This verse highlights several important biblical principles about marriage:
- Love is the foundation of Christian marriage.
- A husband’s love for his wife should reflect Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
- Authority in marriage does not mean harshness.
- Biblical leadership means serving, protecting, and caring, not dominating or mistreating.
- Love is an active choice, not just an emotion.
- Husbands must choose to love their wives daily, even when it’s difficult.
- Bitterness destroys relationships.
- A husband must let go of resentment and impatience and show grace to his wife.
Literary Analysis
Paul’s words here are simple but powerful.
- “Love your wives” – This is a command, not a suggestion. It requires action and commitment.
- “Do not be harsh” – This phrase shows that love must be gentle.
Paul’s teaching in Colossians 3:18-19 balances the roles of husband and wife:
- Wives are called to submit with trust.
- Husbands are called to love sacrificially.
Biblical Cross-References
- Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
- 1 Peter 3:7 – “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
- Proverbs 31:10-11 – “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.”
- Malachi 2:16 – “The man who hates and divorces his wife, says the Lord, the God of Israel, does violence to the one he should protect.”
What This Verse Means for Today’s Christian
For modern Christian husbands, this verse is a direct challenge to love their wives in a way that reflects Jesus’ love for the Church.
This means:
- Loving unconditionally – Not based on mood, circumstances, or feelings, but as a daily commitment.
- Being patient and understanding – Not becoming angry, bitter, or impatient with their wives.
- Leading by example – Husbands are called to serve and protect, not control or manipulate.
- Communicating with love – No yelling, harsh words, or passive-aggressive behavior.
For wives, this verse is an assurance that God calls their husbands to treat them with dignity, respect, and love. A godly husband is one who cherishes his wife and seeks her good.
How This Verse Relates to a Loving God
God’s love is seen in the way He designed marriage:
- God wants husbands to love their wives the way He loves us.
- His love is patient, kind, and forgiving (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
- God does not tolerate mistreatment or abuse.
- A harsh husband does not reflect God’s character (Psalm 103:8).
- God desires unity in marriage.
- Just as God seeks a close relationship with His people, He calls husbands and wives to be one in love and purpose (Genesis 2:24).
How This Verse Connects to Jesus Christ
Jesus is the perfect example of how a husband should love his wife.
- Jesus’ love is sacrificial.
- He laid down His life for the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
- Jesus is gentle and patient.
- He never acted harshly or cruelly toward His followers.
- Jesus leads with humility.
- He serves rather than demands (John 13:5).
- Jesus’ love is unconditional.
- He loves us despite our failures (Romans 5:8).
A husband who follows Jesus’ example will love his wife with tenderness, patience, and selflessness.
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
- For husbands: Are you loving your wife in a way that reflects Christ?
- For wives: How does it impact you when your husband loves you with patience and kindness?
- What are practical ways a husband can avoid bitterness and harshness toward his wife?
- How does Jesus’ love for the Church serve as a model for a godly marriage?
- How can husbands and wives work together to strengthen their marriage according to God’s design?
This verse is a powerful reminder that marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s love. A Christian husband is called to lead with love, serve with humility, and treat his wife with honor. When a marriage follows this biblical pattern, it becomes a beautiful testimony of God’s grace and love to the world.