The Bible has much to say about the attitude and behavior of being quarrelsome. A quarrelsome person is someone who is inclined to argue, provoke disputes, and create conflict. From a biblical perspective, such behavior is discouraged because it leads to division, strife, and can hinder the spiritual growth and unity that God desires among His people.
Biblical Warnings Against Being Quarrelsome
The Nature of Quarrelsomeness
Quarrelsomeness is characterized by a contentious spirit and a tendency to engage in arguments or disputes unnecessarily. This behavior often stems from pride, anger, or a desire to dominate others. The Bible consistently warns against such attitudes, encouraging believers instead to pursue peace and harmony.
Proverbs 17:14 (NIV):
“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”
This proverb illustrates the dangers of initiating quarrels, comparing it to breaching a dam, which can lead to destructive consequences. The wisdom here is to avoid unnecessary disputes before they escalate.
Proverbs 20:3 (NIV):
“It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”
Avoiding strife and seeking peace is considered honorable, while those who are quick to quarrel are viewed as foolish. This verse highlights the value of self-control and the wisdom of avoiding unnecessary conflicts.
The Impact of Quarrelsomeness on Relationships
Being quarrelsome can have a detrimental effect on relationships, whether in the family, church, or community. The Bible encourages believers to maintain unity and to resolve conflicts in a manner that fosters love and understanding.
Proverbs 15:18 (NIV):
“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”
This verse contrasts the behavior of a quarrelsome, hot-tempered person with someone who is patient and seeks to calm conflicts. Patience and gentleness are virtues that help to de-escalate tension and promote peace.
2 Timothy 2:23-24 (NIV):
“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.”
Paul instructs Timothy to avoid foolish arguments that lead to quarrels and emphasizes that a servant of the Lord should not be quarrelsome. Instead, they should be characterized by kindness, teaching, and a non-resentful attitude.
The Call to Peace and Reconciliation
Pursuing Peace
The Bible repeatedly calls believers to pursue peace and reconciliation rather than engaging in quarrels. This pursuit of peace is a reflection of God’s character and His desire for His people to live in harmony.
Romans 12:18 (NIV):
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Paul urges believers to make every effort to live at peace with others, recognizing that while it may not always be possible, they should strive to avoid conflict whenever they can.
Matthew 5:9 (NIV):
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Jesus blesses those who actively work to make peace, associating them with the very nature of God’s children. This beatitude highlights the importance of peacemaking as a central aspect of the Christian life.
Responding to Conflict Biblically
When conflicts do arise, the Bible provides guidance on how to address them in a way that honors God and seeks reconciliation rather than furthering discord.
Matthew 18:15 (NIV):
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
Jesus instructs believers to address conflicts privately and directly with the goal of restoring the relationship. This approach contrasts with a quarrelsome attitude that seeks to win arguments rather than win over hearts.
Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV):
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Paul’s exhortation to the Ephesians emphasizes humility, gentleness, and patience as key qualities in maintaining unity and peace within the body of Christ. These attitudes are the opposite of quarrelsomeness and are essential for fostering healthy relationships.
The Role of Humility and Self-Control
The Example of Jesus
Jesus, during His earthly ministry, exemplified humility and self-control, even in the face of provocation and opposition. His responses to conflict were measured, purposeful, and always aimed at glorifying God and advancing His kingdom.
1 Peter 2:23 (NIV):
“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
Jesus’ example teaches believers to respond to conflict with grace and to trust God’s justice rather than resorting to quarrelsome behavior.
The Fruit of the Spirit
The qualities that counteract a quarrelsome spirit are found in the fruit of the Spirit, as listed in Galatians 5:22-23. These include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Cultivating these virtues leads to a life that is less prone to quarrels and more focused on building up others in love.
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV):
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Self-control and gentleness, in particular, are vital in managing one’s temper and avoiding quarrels. By walking in the Spirit, believers can overcome the tendencies that lead to conflict.
Conclusion
From a biblical perspective, being quarrelsome is discouraged because it leads to division, strife, and hinders the unity and peace that God desires among His people. The Bible calls believers to pursue peace, exercise humility, and respond to conflict in a way that reflects the character of Christ. By cultivating the fruit of the Spirit and following the example of Jesus, Christians can avoid quarrelsome behavior and instead be agents of reconciliation and harmony in their relationships and communities.